


First There Are Kisses

by Elfflame



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: daily_deviant, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-13
Updated: 2008-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-19 04:38:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfflame/pseuds/Elfflame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaise wants someone.  But does he want them enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	First There Are Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> Written with huge help from both Ceria and Wolfish Cat, both in helping develop the bunny, and in keeping it going. A very different story from my original intent, but I quite like it. Title from the lyrics of the Crying Game: “First there are kisses/Then there are sighs…” I couldn’t resist. It’s always been Blaise’s song for me.

I watch him at every party we both attend. And we attend a lot. Oh, not together. He's the Minister for Magic, after all, and I'm a lowly secretary. Besides, I doubt he even knows who I am.

But that's okay. Plenty of other people are interested in my company, even if my boss doesn't know who I am. They all comment on my long dark hair, or my toffee-golden skin, how gorgeous they think my eyes are…ad infinitum. None of it anything I haven't heard before. Eventually I choose _someone_ to focus on for the evening, even if it's not who I _really_ want.

It wasn't even a job I'd really wanted, let alone needed, but mother had insisted. I might not have fought against Potter's little army, but I'd been a Slytherin, and apparently that had been bad enough. She said father would have wanted me to show that Zabinis weren't as dark as other Slytherins. So I'd gotten a low-level, menial job in the Ministry. And now, I wouldn't give it up for anything. After all, aside from these parties, it's the only contact I have with him.

I know it is a useless hope. After all, I've never seen him with anyone, male or female. Even if we weren't so far apart in position at the Ministry, there was no guarantee that he'd have any interest being seen with a man, let alone one more than twenty years his junior.

Did I mention I have a thing for older men? Started with one of mother's husbands, of course. It’s not an inclination that's easy to shake once you’ve picked it up. And there is just something about him. Always affable, and yet stern at the same time. How did he do that, anyway? Did he know how intriguing that mix was? Even more so because I was sure I’d never be allowed to have him.

I’d already been watching him for several minutes when the waiter passed by, and I snatched my second goblet of champagne for the evening. It’s not my drink of choice, but when there’s nothing else… He was talking to Potter, Granger and Weasley, so I knew there'd be no chance of catching his attention anytime soon, and finally turned away to look for someone to spend the evening with.

I have never been picky when it comes to my lovers. I do have a few rules of my own, of course. Doesn't everyone? Never anyone married unless I'm invited by both partners, I don't do first times, I never force anyone, and I never let myself fall. Not that I believe in love, but I've seen what idiots will do when they believe they are, and there's no way I'm going to find myself in the same situation. Other than that, anything goes. Male, female…who cares? So long as they want it. I rarely stay with anyone for longer than a month, though. After all, why get attached, when it will all end so messily?

As anyone who's met me can tell you, I'm a flirt. Work, club, party…anywhere I run into people and chat with them, I flirt. I was even reprimanded by my immediate superior once for pushing it a bit too far. Not that I had, of course. It's not my fault that Percy Weasley is so deep in the closet that even a friendly smile from another man sent him screaming. But I learned my lesson. I stay well away from that man these days. Besides, there are so many other, far easier targets. Let his wife deal with the backlash when he finally realizes what he really wants. Might be interesting to watch, really.

Making a few turns through the room, I glanced from possible target to possible target.

Most of the Weasleys were in attendance, but ever since my schooldays, and Pansy's teasing of my crush on the youngest, I'd avoided all of them like the plague. I'd never hear the end of it if I actually ended up spending time with one of them for more than an hour. Even if the eldest and his wife did look completely edible. I couldn't help wondering if she ever shared. Or if he ever dabbled with men.

There were several Slytherins at the party, some of whom I knew, and a few I'd already been with before. Draco was there with Daphne, though we were all just counting the hours it took for them to break up. After all, she wanted "true love," and for Draco, the woman he married would never be anything more than window dressing and a mother to his son. Because it would have to be a son for him to be satisfied, of course. And then he'd go back to the gay clubs he preferred and never grace her bed again.

Draco is a generous lover, at least. But a complete bottom. The one time I'd tried to convince him to top me, he'd gotten in a huff and we'd done nothing more than argue for the rest of the evening. I hadn't bothered to ask a second time. Sometimes I do wonder about that boy… Particularly the way he acts around his father. Not to mention Potter. I think he has a thing for power. It's a wonder _he's_ not panting after the Minister.

Then there were Miles and Adrian, though they seemed to be together tonight. There was another couple I wouldn't mind "coming between." I'd played with each of them separately. Miles toward the end of his schooling, and Adrian shortly after I'd finished Hogwarts. Both still kept in excellent shape, though only Miles played Quidditch any more. The energy the two of them possessed…wouldn't that be a lovely thing to experience feeling? Both of them focused on me? I licked my lips, nodded at them, but moved on. Maybe another time.

Perhaps the girls? But girls were harder to find willing and eager companions for only an evening. Even those who knew my rules—Pansy and the other Slytherin girls, for example—still seemed to think that they could be the one to "reform" me. Still, it was always worth a try to find one who was just out for a bit of fun...

There had been one lovely and highly eventful night with Granger once. She'd been fighting with Weasley, and I'd run into her in tears. I'd known she was only doing it to get even with him, but since it meant she'd not try to get her claws into me, I'd gone for the chance, and it had been well worth my efforts, even if she had cried out Weasley's name when she'd come.

Apparently she put as much effort into her passion as her studies. It had been quite inspiring to watch her as she lost herself to her need. Perhaps I might be inclined to see if she and Weasley were on the outs again? It was as likely as not. I turned to glance at where she'd been standing with Potter and Weasley, but unfortunately, she was still talking to the Minister. No. Not tonight. Especially when I saw that her fingers were laced with Weasley's. How she could stand that ginger-haired freak, I would never understand. But it did mean I would have to find someone else…

Pansy was in attendance, of course, but I avoided her like the plague when it came to this sort of thing. We'd been together a few times in school, and I'd learned from the experience that she was as grasping and needy in passion as she was in everything else. It wasn't worth my time to try to break her of the habit.

Another scan of the room showed few more prospects than I'd seen with the first pass, and I sighed. Perhaps Lovegood? She was an odd one, but maybe she wouldn't mind a bit of attention? I was just about to cross the room to greet her when a hand gripped my shoulder.

I turned to see who it was, and barely managed to keep my jaw from dropping. It was the Minister. When had he stopped talking to Potter and his pals? "Sir?"

"Mr. Zabini." Just hearing my name from his lips made my heartbeat speed up. "I'd like a word with you before you continue with your activities for the evening?" He made it sound as though I was going off somewhere and he wouldn't be able to contact me. I tried not to frown at that.

"Of course, sir." He could have as many as he wanted. Hell, he could have _anything_ from me he wanted. Not that I could say that to his face.

"Walk with me." It wasn't a question. It was an order. But then, he'd always been good at leading without the weakness previous Ministers had possessed. It was the reason he'd been made interim Minister after Thicknesse had been found dead at the end of the war. And it was the reason he was still Minister despite the impermanence of his original title.

I didn't answer. But then, an answer wasn't necessary. I just followed. Well, walked by his side, waiting for him to speak. Even as I did, it was hard to keep myself from admiring him. The darkness of his skin that made his teeth shine oh-so-bright when he deigned to smile. The smooth sleekness of his shaved scalp, which made my fingers itch to stroke it every time I saw him, just to see if it were truly as sleek and smooth as it looked. The gold sparkle of his earring, which always made me wonder why such a straight-laced man would have a piercing like that. It wasn't an uncommon thing in our world. They just usually marked a man as a bit of a wild spirit. A risk-taker. Perhaps that was what had drawn me to him in the first place?

He'd led me down the hall and out into the gardens of the building the party was being held in before he finally spoke. I was so lost in my contemplation of him that it took me a few minutes to realize he'd even said anything. "Excuse me?"

He didn't seem pleased that I hadn't been paying attention, and I was glad it was dark, so he couldn't see my cheeks flush. After all, my skin wasn't nearly so dark as his. "I asked if perhaps you could not play your usual games tonight? Surely you can manage to go without for an evening?"

My cheeks heated even more. Here I'd been imagining what it would be like to touch him, kiss him, and he was chastising me for my partners? I didn't know whether to be horrified, amused, or angry. I ended up with the worst bits of each, flustered, flushed, and annoyed. "And what is that supposed to mean?" If I hadn't been so irritated, I might have winced at realizing I was talking to my _boss_ that way.

"It means, even though this is your personal time, you are currently representing my office. I would rather you comported yourself a bit more...formally, if you will."

The fact that I discussed my choices of bedmates all the time with my friends—not gossip, just questions about why I chose one person over another, or never stayed with anyone longer than I did—didn't mean I was in any way prepared to do the same with my boss. Not to mention the fact that he was the man I most wanted in my bed.

I fumbled to find an answer to his statement for a moment before biting out, "I wasn't aware that there were rules to your employees' personal lives, _sir_."

For a second, I thought I saw something flash in his eyes, but then it was gone. "I did not say there were. Merely that I wish you to behave tonight. Surely that can't be too difficult for you?"

It was hard to decide how to react to that. It really wasn't his place to tell me how to run my love-life, but all the same, I couldn't help wishing it was. Then there was the fact that he was my boss. If he took it into his head that I was a problem employee, he might fire me. I didn't need the job, but I certainly wasn't ready to leave yet. Not when this was as much attention as he'd ever paid me since I started in his office.

"I didn't realize. I'm really not—"

He didn't let me finish. "That bad? I'm inclined to disagree. I can't count the number of times your conquest of the previous evening has caused some ruckus trying to get your attention the next day. Or the next week. I would rather not have to deal with another employee quitting because of you. Or have someone camping in our halls to try and get your attention. It's bad enough when it's just a gathering several employees happened to attend. It's quite another when I have to see the train wreck preparing to happen."

"Train wreck?" I liked to pride myself that I always left my bedmates pleased and sated. Surely they couldn't ask for more? Granted, there were those who seemed to need to cling to me, it was true, but that could hardly be considered _my_ fault. Yet the Minister seemed to think that I was nothing more than a scoundrel and a cad. My heart sank.

"Train wreck. You might think yourself discreet—I don't know if you realize just how much others pay attention to what you do—but I assure you, your exploits always have some effect on the people around you. And not just your playmate of the moment."

"Sir…"

"No. If you must continue playing this way, I will have to insist that you disassociate it from my office, Mr Zabini. If you intend to stay working there office, at least. Are we clear?"

"But…" I swallowed thickly, then sighed. "Yes, sir."

He sighed. "I do not mean to deny you your fun. Simply that I wish you to be more discreet about it. And that you be a bit more…choosy in your bedmates. Not everyone is used to hopping from one bed to the next. It's difficult for some to understand."

I flushed again and looked away. I really didn't want to be having this conversation with him. "If you say so, sir," I said in a low voice.

"Haven't you ever wanted someone you could stay with, Zabini? Are you telling me you really like not knowing whose bed you will be in from day to day?"

The fact that he would ask such a thing shocked me, and I turned to look at him, startled. "Why would you care?"

When his hand came up to caress my cheek, I'm sure every bit of my astonishment at the touch showed on my face. It was hard to speak through my constricted throat, and the sad expression in his eyes made it even harder. "P-please…sir…"

"Kingsley," he said softly. But he didn't let me respond, just drew me into a kiss. It was like a current going through me. I don't recall ever being kissed like that in my life; so soft and tentative. I certainly wasn't used to being the passive partner in any relationship. Even with the few older men I'd slept with. But then, I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted Kingsley. It was hard to control myself, to let him be in charge, to not show just how much I'd wanted this, or for how long.

He finally pulled away, and I resisted the urge to pull him back and repeat the experience. I was scared that if I showed even the smallest amount of forwardness, he'd be disgusted, and I'd never be allowed more. So I spoke instead, the better to keep my mind occupied from other obsessions. Like kissing. Touching. "Why?"

His eyes closed off at the question. "You don't think yourself desirable?"

"I know I'm desirable," I huffed. "I get more attention than anyone could possibly want. But…you…you were just berating me for being—"

"Promiscuous," he finished for me, which made me blush again, but I nodded. "So you get so much interest, you figure why bother choosing just one, is that it?"

"I'll have you know, I have very particular interests," I said, my voice stiff.

"Do you? What? Only male or female?"

"Who I sleep with is different from what I want. Surely you have some idea how that works? But yes, I am particular. I make certain my interest is wanted. I make certain that I don't sleep with anyone who's otherwise involved…"

"All very good and well, but you have a different person in your bed every night, Blaise."

"Yes, well…They all want to be there."

"And it's your job to oblige each and every one? Hasn't anyone caught your fancy enough to stay with them?"

How the fuck was he finding my every weak spot? "And why should I? Love isn't real. It's just a chemical reaction. It fades. And then what? Be stuck with someone I can't stand for the rest of my days or until they keel over so that I can get on with my life?"

"You really think that's all there is to it?" He looked bemused. "Never mind. With your mother's marriages, I can see why you'd believe that. But there are other examples, Blaise. The Malfoys, for example."

"Oh, right. He cheats on her because she's so cold she barely managed to let him touch her long enough that they could conceive Draco."

He blinked at me for a moment. "Fine. The Weasleys, then."

I shuddered at that. "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't want seven kids, thank you very much."

"That wasn't what…"

"Then what do you mean?" I didn't know why this mattered to him. If this was just his way of trying to keep me under control. "What is it that you want from me?"

He looked bemused again, and for a moment, he didn't answer me. "I thought I made that rather obvious," he finally said. Before I could ask, he was kissing me again, and the acidic remark I'd been about to make died on my tongue. This kiss was in no way tentative. His tongue swept into my mouth, and stroked boldly over my own. I couldn't quite hold back the gasp, and my hands moved up to grip his shoulders, sure I was about to fall over. He pulled me closer, flush against his body, and I moaned when I felt his reaction to what we were doing through our clothes. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. And I was sure he could feel that he'd had the same effect on me. But then, he'd always had that effect on me. I'd just been able to hide it better when he wasn’t pressed right up against me like this. Now he knew.

Then he was pulling away again, muttering something under his breath. "What?" My head was still spinning. But if he wanted me…what did all this mean?

Looking back at me, he scowled in a way that I could tell his displeasure was at least as much at himself as with me. "I said, your reaction would be the same no matter who I was. And that I shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?" And damn, that sounded a bit desperate, but hell, _he'd_ kissed _me_. I deserved some sort of explanation, didn't I? "As for reacting the same…"

"No. I don't want to hear it." He pulled himself together, then met my eyes. "Look, what you do on your own time…that's your own business. I just don't want to hear about it again. And I don't want to see it, either. Are we clear?"

But I wasn't taking this any more. I hadn't started this, after all. "No. We're not. You come on to me…not once, but twice. Then you say it's a mistake, and to keep my affairs to myself…that you think I couldn't possibly want you—"

"That wasn't what I said." He was growling now. "Just that you have no discrimination when it comes to your bed partners!"

He might have slapped me, considering how my cheeks stung at the comment. "Excuse me? I didn't know that was any of your business!"

"It wasn't—isn't…" He shook his head. "Never mind. Just…keep what I said in mind, please." He turned to walk away, and that was when I must have lost my mind.

"Kingsley. Please…don't."

I don’t know if it was the tone of my voice or the words themselves that stopped him so abruptly, but he turned to look at me. My tongue felt glued to the top of my mouth, and I swallowed several times, trying to get past the blockage. "Why did you kiss me?" I finally managed. "Please," I said, when I saw the flash of irritation cross his face.

His mouth thinned, and he crossed his arms. "Because I wanted to. Because I hate to see you wasting yourself on this…frivolous pastime. You deserve better."

Still not what I wanted to hear. "And if it makes me happy? Why should it matter?"

I shouldn't have been surprised when he moved back to me with quick strides, then pressed me to the side of the building, kissing me once more. This time there was no pretense in keeping his erection hidden from me. No, this time he ground against me, and I pressed gladly back, moaning into his mouth.

He didn't pull away this time. Not really. Just enough to speak. "Is that really all you want in life, Blaise? A bit of fun? Would you forget me in the morning? Or a week later? Or a month?"

"What?" I was still dazed from his kisses, and the words confused me. "Never. I could never forget you."

"So I'd be a conquest, then?" he asked, pulling back a bit more.

I shook my head. "No! I…you…I don't see you that way."

"Well, that's something, at least. Not even on your radar, was I?"

I felt my cheeks burn again, and knew there'd be no way he'd miss that, as close as he was. "The only thing on my radar," I whispered, looking away. Not that I'd be able to explain how someone who didn't believe in love could want someone so much that no one else really mattered. It was just true.

He was silent a long time before he spoke. "Would you give it up for me?" he asked, his voice low.

My eyes met his again. "What are you suggesting?" I hoped this was going where I wanted, and not just him trying to shut me up and keep me locked away. I wasn't going to be his little secret. "Let go of me." I pushed at his shoulders, but he didn't move.

He didn't say anything, either. Just watched my face as his hand brushed over my cloth-covered erection. I stilled immediately. It wasn't a tentative touch. Rather, it was insistent and sure, gliding over me through the cloth until I was sure I'd lose my mind.

It wasn't until I moaned, my eyes sliding closed that he finally spoke again, his voice low and urgent. "I thought this sort of thing was what you wanted, Blaise. Isn't this what you do with your playmates? Or do you even let them have this much control over you? Do they see you like this?" he whispered.

I shuddered, pressing into his hand. "No," I whispered back. Lust and fear were warring inside me, but no matter which won, I wanted this. And there was no way I could deny that, what with the way I was rutting into his hand.

"Then why, Blaise?" he breathed, his lips near my ear now as his hand began to move over me faster. "Why not wait for someone you can trust to let go like this with?"

My eyes opened, and I met his gaze once more. I knew my doubt and terror likely showed on my face. I felt more exposed than I ever had in my life. But I wanted this. Him. I just couldn't get myself to admit it.

After a long stretch of silence, he sighed, then kissed me once more, increasing the intensity of his strokes. I arched against him, my body shuddering as I came in my trousers. His hand stilled, but he milked me softly through my now-sodden clothes. The kiss extended between us for several minutes before he pulled away. I couldn't meet his eyes. I wanted to return the favour, but when I reached down to do so, he grabbed my wrist. "No."

I looked up at him, surprised. "But…?"

"Not until you decide what you want, Blaise. When you do, you know where I am."

I shivered with the loss of his heat when he pulled away. Had it been this cold when we'd first come out here? He seemed to be waiting for something, but when I didn't say anything, he sighed, then straightened himself carefully before turning away and walking slowly back to the party.

Once he was out of sight, I sagged against the wall, still not fully sure what had just happened. It hadn't been sex, but one thing was plain. He wanted me. Even more, he wanted me to himself. The question was, could I do that? Be what he wanted? Was it worth changing how I was to have who I wanted? I'd never done it before. Never even considered it. But perhaps the fact that I was considering it now was my answer?

I looked back in the direction he'd gone once more and licked my lips. The taste of him still lingered there. I knew I had my answer. I smiled. Now I just had to prove to him that I knew what I wanted.

I cast a cleaning spell on myself and straightened my clothes, then went back in to the party. After all, now I had something to prove. Tomorrow, the world would be a new place. For both of us, if I could manage it.

 _fin_   



End file.
